Sirius Black's Biggest Downfall
by AvadaKedabra
Summary: A cute oneshot in which Sirius realises his true feelings for a certain sandy haired Marauder, and acts on his feelings rather impulsively. How does Remus react? What is Sirius's biggest downfall? And what does James have to do with anything?


**A/N: Just a sappy little one-shot I came up with overnight. This is my first fic on this account, so I hope it goes well! Check out my other account, punkchick99, for more!**

**Warning: Slash and slight swearing. Don't like slash? Don't come here, and don't complain to me about it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plotline! Woot! And the first two lines are from a song called "Wake Up" by an Australian band called Living End.**

_"I need something to numb the pain  
Forget me and forget my name" _

Those were the two lines running through Sirius Black's head as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had heard them in some weird muggle song over the holidays, at Remus' house. He felt that if anything applied to him right now, that was it. He definitely needed something to numb the pain. And he definitely wanted his best friend to forget his name.

Sirius felt sick to his stomach as he strode through the halls. What had he done! He had probably ruined the best relationship he had ever had with anyone, pushed away the best friend he had ever had. He would hate him now.

He thought back to a few minutes before, a few minutes that had changed his life forever.

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Dinner had just finished. James was in a detention for turning Severus Snape's hair purple, and Peter was off on a date with a buck-toothed Ravenclaw. It was just Sirius and Remus left of the four mischief-makers.

_Sirius and Remus were sitting on Remus' bed in their dorm room, talking about what had happened over the holidays at Sirius's house. Sirius was trying to explain the relationship between him and his parents._

_He hadn't asked Remus to talk about his summer, Remus had just sensed that there was something on Sirius's mind, and just outright asked him. Sirius had, of course, pretended that nothing was wrong at all, and they had gone through their usual routine of _

"_Tell me!"_

"_No!" until they had reached the point they were at now. _

"_Did they hurt you Padfoot?" asked Remus softly, laying a hand on Sirius's arm worriedly._

_Sirius shivered slightly when Remus put a hand on his arm. He looked into the other boy's calm, and yet concerned blue eyes, wondering what he had done to deserve such a good friend._

_Remus was good like that. He was always there for Sirius, always listened, never criticised._

"_Yes," said Sirius softly, and that was all he needed to say. He didn't need to explain anything._

_Remus looked at the unreadable expression on his friend's face, and pulled the larger boy into a warm hug, which Sirius received eagerly. _

_Seconds later, when they pulled apart, Sirius looked at Remus sadly, wishing the hug had never ended. He loved being held by Remus, it made him feel wanted, feel happy, feel… loved. That was all that Sirius wanted, as sappy as it sounded. Just to be loved. _

"_Thanks Moony," he said sadly, looking at the other boy._

"_Anytime Siri," his friend replied a little confused. For the first time in a long time, Remus couldn't read the expression on his friends face. He was confused at this, because Remus and Sirius had always been able to read each other perfectly._

_But Sirius had been acting a little weird lately. Sirius noticed Remus studying his expression carefully, and instantly tried to look nonchalant. He couldn't let his friend see what he was feeling. He himself was scared of how he was feeling. How could he possibly love somebody so much? Sirius Black didn't love…_

_Remus suddenly pulled Sirius into another hug, and then, holding the boy at arms length, studied his expression again. _

"_You're sure you're okay, Siri?" said Remus, still concerned._

_Sirius couldn't take it. He loved Remus so much, it couldn't hurt, could it?_

_Sirius leaned forward and tentatively pressed his lips to other boys, and kissed him softly. In that instant, he realised how much he truly did love Remus Lupin._

_Suddenly Remus pulled back, and pushed Sirius back slightly, so he was away from him. Remus looked at him, an unreadable expression on his face._

"_What the fuck are you doing?" said Remus, staring at Sirius._

_Sirius suddenly realised what he had done. He looked at the expression on his best friend's face, and ran. He ran for himself, for Remus, and for his poor, broken heart._

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Sirius reached his destination. The Astronomy Tower. He walked in slowly, and sat down in a corner on the floor, knees to his chest, arms around his knees, face to the floor.

What had he been thinking? That Remus would suddenly realise his love for Sirius, and kiss him back passionately? Yeah, right. He wished. In fact, he wished with all his heart that that was what had happened.

He truly did love Remus, he loved him as more than a best friend… he realised that now. He realised that Sirius Black, who was good at everything, had one downfall. Love. Love was his downfall.

And so he started to cry. Sirius Black started to cry, alone, in the middle of the Astronomy Tower.

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James Potter sat in Professor Mcgonagall's office, next to a desk, which he was unsuccessfully trying to scrub the decade old Bertie Bott's and chewing gum off. This was his punishment for turning Snape's hair purple? Next time, he would make spiders appear in his greasy slimy hair.

James had been doing the same detention with Mcgonagall for years now, and he wondered if she would ever change her tactic. Or ever get new desks. He hoped it would be the latter. He looked quickly at his watch while Mcgonagall wasn't looking.

Yes! Only about a minute and a half left! Had it really been two hours? Wow. He was getting good at this. About four pieces of gum had come off! Maybe by graduation he'd have done all the desks! Doubtful, though. Mcgonagall would probably stick more on there, just to see him suffer.

He chuckled softly at the thought of Mcgonagall chewing gum.

"Something funny, Mr. Potter?" said Professor Mcgonagall, looking up at him over a piece of parchment.

"No Professor, of course not."

" I should think not Mr. Potter. Very well, you may go. I hope you have learnt your lesson this time," said Professor Mcgonagall, knowing perfectly well that he hadn't.

"Of course, Professor. My mischievous ways have been changed by your enlightening detention," said James, knowing perfectly well that the professor knew he would just do it again.

Mcgonagall just rolled her eyes, and pointed at the door, signalling for him to go out. Only when he had exited with a "Thankyou Professor," did she crack a smile, and shake her head amusedly. She would see him next week, for sure.

James walked out of detention happily, whistling a tune, planning his next attack on that smarmy git, Snape. Something to do with pink frocks… and earrings! Oh, that could be good.

He wandered up to the dorm room, a grin still on his face, trying to calculate the things he would need for his next plan. He walked in, only to find Moony sitting there alone, a stunned look on his face.

"Moony?" said James, waving a hand across his friends face.

"Mooooooooony?" said James again, prodding his friend with his wand.

"Wha-?" said Remus, whirling around, wand out, and looking at James. "Oh, it's only you."

"Who did you think it would be? The boogie monster?"

"No, Sirius."

"Um… okay. What's going on that I don't know about?" said a confused James.

"Dunno, go ask Sirius."

After about ten minutes of James pleading with Remus to tell him what happened, but to no avail, James finally, stood up and started to stalk out of the room.

"Fine, where is he?" he asked Remus, wanting to get to the bottom of it.

"Dunno, try the Astronomy Tower."

James stalked out of the common room, extremely confused. What on earth had happened? Sirius and Remus never, ever fought! It was always James and Sirius, or Remus and Peter who fought, and it was always over something dumb! This seemed serious. And totally weird, in James' opinion.

He reached the Astronomy Tower about five minutes later.

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Sirius was sitting on the floor of the Astronomy Tower still, two hours later. He was shivering from the cold marble floor, but he didn't even notice. There were tears cascading down his face, but he didn't even notice.

All he knew was that he couldn't talk to Remus. Ever again. He had ruined everything. The look that Remus had given Sirius nearly killed him. Nearly. It only shattered his heart into about a thousand pieces. Why did he love Remus so much anyway?

Because he's the best friend ever, and he cares for you, and loves you, said that little voice in the back of his head.

Sirius tried to make the little voice go away, but it just wouldn't leave. Did this mean he was gay? He couldn't be gay! A Black could never, ever be gay! No! He wasn't gay! He just… liked Remus. Yep. That was it.

Just as he was finishing off his inner battle with the voice in his head, there came a knock on the Astronomy Tower door.

Sirius panicked. "Sorry, this spot's taken!" he yelled, expecting it to be some couple looking for a place to make out.

The door opened anyway, and in walked James.

"Shit," whispered Sirius.

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James walked in and took in the tear-stained expression of his friend, and went to him straight away and sat down next to him. What the hell had happened? Had Sirius been _crying?_ Holy fuck. Sirius never cried.

"What happened, Padfoot?" said James softly, putting an arm around his distraught looking friend.

"Nothing! Why would you say anything happened! What are you talking about? I just came up here to um… I'm waiting for someone!" said Sirius in a rush, obviously lying through his teeth.

"Uhuh. Well, I think there is something wrong, because you have been crying. And plus, there's something wrong with Moony, and he won't tell me a thing."

And that was it. At the sound of Remus' nickname, Sirius shattered. He started sobbing uncontrollably, and hugged James like there was no tomorrow, clinging to the boy 's torso.

James nearly died of shock when Sirius started crying, and hugging him, but hugged his poor friend back. Who had done this to Sirius? He would make sure that they paid.

"Come on Siri, it's alright, shhh," he said, comfortingly.

Sirius sat up, and wiped his face with his sleeve, removing all evidence that he had ever been crying.

"Sorry, Jamie," said Sirius, hiccuping, and feeling more embarrassed than he ever had in his entire life.

He put his face in his hands. "You must think I'm a complete prat now," said Sirius.

"Of course not, Sirius!" exclaimed James. "But, I would like to know what's going on," he admitted, putting his arm around Sirius again.

Sirius looked up at James fearfully. "I can't believe I cried in front of you. And I can't tell you! You'll hate me! You wont want to hang around with me anymore!"

"Sirius. You are being overdramatic. Nothing can be that bad. And I already said, I don't care that you cried, its called emotion Siri," said the ever wise James, rolling his eyes behind Sirius's back. He didn't see what could possibly be so bad.

Sirius put his head in his hands again.

"Ikssmny," he mumbled.

"Um, I'm sorry Siri, but I don't speak troll. Come on, just say it! I'll love ya no matter what, you know that, right?"

At that Sirius nearly burst into tears again. He put his head up out of his hands, and looked directly at James.

He took a deep breath, and "I kissed Moony."

James stared at Sirius. He… what? Did he just say he had kissed Moony? He had. Oh, dear Merlin. Sirius had kissed Remus. Sirius Black had kissed Remus Lupin! Awesome! His best friends… were together! Wow, that is so cool!

Sirius saw the look of shock on James's face, and nearly started sobbing.

"So?" said James

Sirius stared at James. James had finally cracked. Completely loopy. Off his nut.

"What do you mean, so? Don't you hate me? Have you been taking those weird potions again James?"

"No! I reckon it's cool! You and Remus, together! You two seriously go together. Do you think I can plan the wedding? Ahaha who's going to be the bride!" said James, rambling.

"Uh, right. So you've cracked. Finally. And just to set you straight, Remus hates me. I'm just so confused!" said Sirius, looking miserable, but accepting the fact that James had either cracked, or was actually… thinking this was okay.

James frowned. "What do you mean Remus hates you? Remmy would never hate you! And how come you're confused?"

"Um, well when he pushed me away when I kissed him, that kind of gave me my answer. And I'm pretty sure he does hate me now. And I just… does this mean I'm gay! What does this mean James! I've had girlfriends, but they were usually just 'cos I wanted a fuck. Oh my god! I think I'm gay!" said Sirius, so fast that nobody but James would be able to understand him.

"Hm. I'm sure he was just shocked. You'd be surprised. And maybe you are gay. So what? Who cares?" said James.

Sirius stared at him as if he were a first year. "James. I am a Black. Black's are NEVER gay!"

"Pfft, well I bet they have been they just haven't shown it. And who cares about your family anyway!"

Sirius harrumphed and crossed his arms. "Well, how the hell do I know if I'm gay?"

James sat and thought for a minute. "Okay. Have you ever kissed a guy?"

"What? No!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Damn." And in that second James knew what he had to do. In his mind, it was totally gross, but he had to help Siri, he hated seeing him sad.

James leaned over and kissed his best friend, Sirius Black on the lips. After about two seconds, James pulled away, and looked at Sirius. That had been… Interesting. James realised that he himself was definitely not, in no way possible gay. Yuck.

Sirius stared at James. "Oh dear Merlin. I'm gay."

"Excellent! Now we've got that figured out, I'm never doing that with you again. I mean, I'm sure you're very attractive, or whatever, but um… I'm definitely not gay. I mean, not that it's bad to be gay. I mean…"

Sirius let out a small chuckle at his friend's antics, and felt kind of relieved. At least he knew what he… was.

"Thanks mate, that must have been hard for you. And don't worry, you're not my type. I don't go for pompous gits like you. I go for quiet…book-reading…" and with that, Sirius burst into tears again, his moments of relief before forgotten.

James looked at his newly-found gay friend worriedly, and pulled him into a hug.

"I'll go talk to him. Okay?" said James softly, removing himself from Sirius's grasp and slowly standing up.

Sirius shook his head tearfully, and tried to protest, but James just ignored him, and walked out, saying "I'll be back soon Siri. And by the way, I resent that comment. I'm a pompous, _sexy, _git, thankyou very much."

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James walked through the halls towards the Gryffindor common room under his invisibility cloak, shaking his head. Interesting. Remus and Sirius, that would take a little getting used to.

He was completely positive that Remus would feel the same way, those two were always a bit odd. Plus, when was the last time Remmy had a girlfriend? Ha, how would Peter react? Once this was all smoothed over, he bagsed telling Peter. Oh, the fun he could have with that.

He reached the common room, and took his cloak off, whispering the password, _Magic Mushrooms,_ to the Fat Lady before entering the room. He walked in, and then, ignoring the various girls trying to impress him, he walked up the stairs into his dormitory.

Remus was sitting on his bed, staring into space again. James sighed. For Merlin's sake!

He prodded Remus sharply with his wand, causing the sandy-haired boy to jump up in surprise.

"James! It's you! Oh thank Merlin!" said Remus, looking as if there were a few things on his mind.

"James, sit down," said Remus, pacing the room.

James sat down on the nearest bed, rolling his eyes at Remus' antics.

"I have something extremely shocking to tell you. I do not want you to dislike me in anyway, and I hope you still accept me."

James sighed, and, not wanting to beat around the bush, said "What, Moony?"

"I… Remus Lupin, am gay."

James jumped up and hugged Remus, thanking him profusely. He was so happy he didn't have to kiss another boy that night. Although, he would never tell Remus that.

Remus looked at James in shock. "W-what? Why are you thanking me? Why are you happy?"

"Ok, heres the thing Moony," started James.

"You're gay, am I right?" he said, started to pace.

"Yes, but- " started Remus.

"Okay, so you're gay, and Sirius is gay. So you're both gay. Do you like Sirius?"

"Yes, but-"

"As more than a friend?"

"Yes, definitely, but-"

"Good. You're coming with me," said James.

And with that, he grabbed a stuttering Remus Lupin, put him under the invisibility cloak with him, and walked out of the common room.

He marched Remus all the way up to the Astronomy Tower, with a hand over the boy's mouth, because he was trying to protest.

Once they were about a metre or two away from the door, James stopped abruptly, and pulled the invisibility cloak off, making sure there were no teachers around first.

"Okay. Now. You are going in there, and apologising. I will be out here, waiting for you two to come out, arm in arm. If I don't see that within the next half hour, I will come in after you, and it wont be pretty. Got that, Rem?" said James in an authorative tone.

"Uh…" started Remus, but was cut off by James dragging him towards the door.

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Sirius sat on the floor of the Astronomy Tower exactly where James had left him, wondering what on earth James was doing. He had dried his teary face, and was jut about to get up, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who's there?" he said hesitantly, hoping it was James.

James, knowing Sirius wouldn't want Remus to come in, yelled out "James!" and then pushed Remus through the door, shutting it behind him, and locking it.

Sirius looked up at Remus worriedly, wishing he was anywhere else, and cursing James for putting him through this.

Remus saw Sirius' scared expression.

"Siri, I'm sorry," he whispered, going and sitting next to Sirius.

"Yeah, me too," said Sirius, "I'm sorry I did that to you, I should never have done that. I know that you don't like me like that. So um, can we still be friends? Forget this happened? I'll get over it, I'm sure," he rambled miserably, and stuck out a hand for Remus to shake.

To Sirius's surprise Remus brushed his hand away.

"Oh, sorry. It's ok, I didn't think you'd want to hang around with me anymore, I mean, of course you wouldn't like me like that, so…"

But poor, unsuspecting Sirius was cut off by Remus Lupin kissing him hard on the lips, bringing him towards him softly.

Sirius had never been happier in his life. After the initial shock, he kissed him back passionately, and then pulled away.

"You aren't just doing this because you feel sorry for me are you? Because if you are, I'll…"

But he was cut off again, by Remus Lupin kissing him, and sticking his tongue in his mouth.

"Oh," was all Sirius could say when they finally pulled apart.

"Yep, oh. And Siri, I only pulled away before, because I was shocked. I never thought _you _would like _me_! But I guess you do…" he trailed off.

Sirius looked at Remus, smiling, "Nope, I don't." Remus looked as if he were about to cry.

"I don't like you, Remus Lupin, I love you!" he said, and with that, Remus jumped on him once more.

"I love you too, Sirius Black."

They looked at each other lovingly, and were about to kiss again, when there came a knock at the door.

"Oy! What are you two doing in there!" yelled James, impatiently.

Remus looked at Sirius, and smiled.

"Hey, I got an idea," he whispered to Sirius.

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James stood about a metre away from the door, tapping his foot expectantly. What on earth were they doing? Making him bloody well wait like this.

"Oy! What are you two doing in there!" he said, rapping on the door.

He stood back, and waited for an answer.

"Coming," said Remus in a soft voice.

He heard someone unlock the door, and then Remus came outside dejectedly, head bowed, looking sad. Sirius followed, and stood a while behind him, glaring at Remus.

James glared at them both. "By Merlin, if you two haven't worked out your differences, then I swear, I will…"

But poor, poor James was cut off, by his two best friends running and jumping on him, both planting a kiss on his cheek, and then hugging him.

"Thanks James," they said in unison, smiling.

James blushed, and then pretended to wipe his cheeks.

"Gross," he mumbled, and walked off, Remus and Sirius hot on his trail.

And, as Sirius Black walked through the halls of Hogwarts with two of his best friends, hand in hand with Remus, he realised that his biggest downfall had not been love. It had been not knowing how to love.

**A/N: Please read and review! Reviewers get Sirius! Hope you liked it!**


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